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Anniversaries

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“If I could only turn back time to the place we left behind – I’d find you there...” 

Happy and sad—bitter and sweet…
Birthdays and days of passing—weddings and funerals…
Public festivities where extended friends abound—private retreats where only close friends, family or Time spent in solitary reflection, enough to fill one’s soul.

This weekend is the anniversary of my mother’s passing 26 (short) years ago. When I think of all the things she’s missed:
  • Her granddaughter’s growing up.
  • Getting to know her two grandsons-in-law.
  • Watching her two great-grandsons’ and one granddaughter's lives expand.
  • Traveling around the world to see them and be a part of their lives.
She is also missing:
  • Tea with me and the adult conversations we would now be able to have; when she passed away, I was 32 and in the middle of caring for young children, raising horses and taking care of the farm. 
  • We could now sit, two women, expanding our relationship deeper and farther than the mother-daughter bond that was already so strong.
Then there are the advances in the world around us that she would have loved:
  • Cell phones and the ability to be anywhere in the world and “reach out and touch someone.”
  • Facebook and Instagram where she could follow her family and stay in contact easily with friends, text messaging and FaceTime.
  • The ability to instantly have a chat with her granddaughters, great-grandsons, great granddaughter or me, no matter the time or the distance.

Photo: Mother, me, Elsie & Alpha -1984

This I know -
She would have done more writing - it was her dream to write…
She would have played more piano - she was an accomplished pianist.

Anniversaries—happy and sad—bitter and sweet.
I miss her....
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  1. ElsieWMay 20, 2012 at 9:53 AM

    I love you, Mom. Grandma would be so proud of the wonderful way you raised us. Your grandsons think you are the coolest grandma too. Sending you lots of love today...and always xxxxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lindsay ColitsesMay 20, 2012 at 10:47 AM

      Elsie - Grandma would also be so proud of the wonderful women you and Alpha have become... And now, thanks to your two boys, I totally "get" her grandmother's love for the two of you - Love you to infinity and beyond ;) mom

      Delete
  2. Terry McNicholsMay 20, 2012 at 11:08 AM

    This makes me sad on many levels! Sad for your loss, but also sad because my own mother is far away and totally disconnected from the internet and electronics world, barely able to hear on a cell phone, never could get going on a computer, but has always wanted to. She has had the opportunities that your mom missed, but often hasn't taken great advantage of them. And our bond hasn't strengthened over time, unfortunately.
    I've always noticed that dying early does have a few advantages in the legacy one leaves behind. Aging sometimes doesn't bring out the best in people. My father has gotten very crotchety and sometimes that is what my kids and grandkids think he has always been. Those who die young are often remembered at just that stage of their lives, and the memories are often strong and positive!
    I do hope to live a long life and keep up with society so that I can stay connected. And I hope to be the coolest grandma too :-) Still working hard on that one!
    Great post!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lindsay ColitsesMay 20, 2012 at 11:57 AM

    You make a good point - when someone dies young, they are forever frozen in our memory at that place.

    It always makes me sad when people have the opportunity of a long life, and they don't appreciate the treasure that is their children, grandchildren, and maybe even great grandchildren. So sad...

    I sure hope I don't ever get grumpy!!!

    p.s. - You're cool ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Terry McNicholsMay 20, 2012 at 12:13 PM

    Gee, thanks! My grandkids think so at this point in time, at least!

    ReplyDelete

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